I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
