I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
