I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
