drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize