The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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