If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
