Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
