How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
