the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
