just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
