After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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