I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
