Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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