im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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