I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Ladies don't puke and tell
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
