Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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