I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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