my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
