He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
did i walk over a car last night?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
