So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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