True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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