well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
