Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
