If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
