Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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