someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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