we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
