Plan B is the new Plan A
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
