i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
