you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
