I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
