When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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