He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
These tits shall not be calmed
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
