When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
