My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
