he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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