i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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