Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
