Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
