Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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