We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
