the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
