he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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