I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
