Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
