If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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