No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
