Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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