They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
