Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
