I want to stick my p in your. b.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
