im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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