If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
