he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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