It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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