Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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